The water runs warm down my back.
I am thinking about what I will wear, what I will write, when I will paint the young ones’ fingernails, when I will share one-on-one time with our oldest.
I am thinking about New Year’s and remembering again that we have no plans. I am thinking about piles I want to unload at Goodwill.
And then I realize, as I do nearly every hair-washing morning when I’m ready to step out of the shower, that I’ve no earthly idea if I’ve washed my hair.
I try retracing steps — the same way I do when I’ve lost the checkbook we use every three months or when a pair of shoes vanishes from our front closet.
Did I twist behind me to reach the bottle? Did I pool cold shampoo in my hand? Did I massage it into lather on my crown? Did a puff of suds run down my legs?
Sometimes I do the whole shebang again for good measure (living by “wash, rinse, repeat,” I guess).
Most of the time, though, I recall one part of the routine, which reminds me that I’d done all manner of things to the outside of my head with the inside of my head somewhere entirely different.
I am a forgetful ninny.
This week, I will forget that wet laundry sits in the washer. I will forget to make important phone calls. I will forget to compliment my children for a job well-done.
I will forget that I am treasured.
I will forget to give thanks.
This week, you will forget that your gloss and shine is not what people love about you. You will forget that doing the right thing can be gut-wrenching. You will forget that you left the keys in the pocket of your other coat.
You will forget that your value is not in your accomplishments or your performance.
You will forget hope.
You will need to be reminded.
And so will I.
What do you need help remembering? What truth can you cling to when you forget? Who helps you remember?
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I forget to remember this day, each day, is a gift. Not a guarantee. A gift…to open slowly, with deliberateness and a grateful heart. I forget to remember to be thankful for a warm room, or a warm shower, or the means to put delicious food on a plate. I sometimes forget to remember that I told someone I would do something for them. I forget to get out of my head and into the moment. I forget my curling iron, or the oven, or the clothes in the washing machine. I forget where I put my keys.
I try to forget slights or unkind words or mistakes that another might make. And I hope that another will do the same for me because I’m forever making mistakes.
I am forever forgetting too how old I am – and that pleases me no end! ;)
Yes, this day a gift! How often I forget that slow opening, Mama. And I love what you say about those things you try to forget! Forgetting those slights against us — do you think that helps you stay present to this moment right here and get out of your head? xoxo
How can it not, right? Any kind of remembering of wrongs pulls us back and down. With something to be thankful for in each moment, don’t you wonder why we humans so often choose instead to count the wrongs, to tally scores? almost as if we’re trying to perpetuate the suffering. It’s a puzzlement!
Yes, it is a puzzlement. Is it that we are trying to make sense of it and sort it all out, so we can move forward? I guess the key, then, might be to look square at what was — feel it, grieve it, etc. — and then purpose to walk in thankfulness for the everyday, every moment?
Yes, yes, yes! ; )
A ninny you are not! Don’t forget it! As I approach seventy I am not quite sure if forgetfulness is the excuse of age or the convenience of a lazy mind. Hmmm. Then there is ‘forgive and forget’, another story entirely. But I do know that none of us want to be ‘forgotten’. You are unforgettable. Love, Papa
I love what you say about forgetfulness and forgiveness – this is such a theme, isn’t it? You are so right. Don’t we all want a legacy of meaning? xoxo!
okay…so i better stop for a moment & take the time to tell you how much what you have all said applies to this very day. i went early this morning to the dermatologist. again. the same sweet doctor who served my dad with love and cried the last time i saw her because she misses him. :) i am a bit spooked because i have some weird mystery growth on the tip of my nose. i noticed because one of my nose holes was being pushed down & getting smaller. lovely. she doesn’t know what it is. we are “testing” some chemotherapy cream to see if it could be cancerous. so i walk to my car after the appointment in a daze…can’t find my keys. stand there searching through my purse. no keys. go back in the lobby. dump out purse. no keys. reach into pocket. ahhhh….precious little key. i started driving down the freeway and i flashback to when i left dr. landers office this spring and she told me the news of my dad’s cancer spreading to more organs. that it was everywhere. i left her office and was driving to my parents house. i remember thinking…this is a moment that i have been dreading my whole life and i am staring it in the face. i’m not ready. jesus so gently but FIRMLY spoke to me and said…just look into my eyes.” i drove the whole way to my parents house just staring into his eyes…thinking of peter walking on water and how scared he was. now, how scared i was. here i am now, months later feeling the same anxiousness and all of a sudden a smirk comes across my face. i say LOUD in my head….”man, God, you like to keep me close!” Your devotion today reminded me how i so quickly forget how God JUST taught me to lean into him, that HE is trustworthy with ALL things and to NOT BE AFRAID!!! DO NOT FEAR are his very words again & again in scripture. how quickly i wander off & he has to get out his shepards crook to bring me in & tuck me under his arm. i am just his little sheep. i am thankful has patience with my forgetfulness.
My dear friend, I love you so much. I’m so sorry, and so proud of you. Let’s talk by phone (or even email) — I’ll check in. Thank you for sharing your amazing, open heart. My heart full for you…
You have such beautiful words , they will never be forgotten nor you.
I am forgetting all the time and like some others blame it on age but glad to know that it doesn’t always go along with age. Let us remember that we are always forgiven and hope to forgive in return. Love Mom
Thank you for your dear words, Mom. Yes, forgiveness is so key on both ends, isn’t it!
Such amazing thoughts and words, Ash!! I was sitting here laughing so hard I started crying thinking about how I thought I was the only one who forgets if she washed her hair every day…what kind of a mom am I that I can’t even remember ber the last time I washed my girls hair or spent one on one time with the oldest?! Such grace filled words and questions to ponder and i’m SO THANKFUL for you sharing these thoughts and words with us. I’d be so lonely and have greasy hair without them.
I adore imagining the sounds of my dear friend Nanc laughing — which so often turn to tears with you. I love that! Yes — the girls’ bath/shower times. How is it that the when so often escapes me too? I love you (and that we can connect in this way)! Your friend in gratitude and grease — Ash
Your words so relatable and you so lovable!!
I thought I would share my thoughts on forgiving and the incredible waste of energy that comes with trying to understand it. My Daddy Doc always said nobody sets out to intentionally hurt us, that they are doing the best they can with what they have. I totally live by that and it frees up all my energy for the positve. On another note, I love all your writings as a matter a fact its usually the only exciting thing in email besides Cooking spree. Love and Kisses Kim
Your Daddy Doc was such a wise man. Kim, you are so right. Choosing to believe the best blesses us with the space (and as you say, energy!) to love with pure hearts. Such a wise way to live. Thank you for your encouragement, my cousin! It means so much. Love you.
Ok, my problem is usually remembering whether or not I did the whole conditioner thing. There is SO much to think about in the shower, and 9 times out of 10, none of it has anything to do with getting clean!
I think my favorite part of this post is “This week, you will forget that your gloss and shine is not what people love about you.” It’s so easy to get caught up in the outside and forget to let the inside shine through. Thanks for the reminder. It’s much-needed.
New to your blog and looking forward to more. :)
Kathryn, I am so happy to see you here. And thank you for your comments. Oh boy, I would be in big trouble if conditioner were a part of my routine. Too much to remember! I love what you say about how focusing too much on the outside can cause us to forget radiant, shining insides. So true, so true. Hope to “see” you again soon.