My Plan B evaporated into a puff of stomping and cursing last night.
I lost another post written in my bed, after the one I thought I’d be sharing with you today didn’t materialize.
For two days this past week, I held back the hair of my daughters as they threw up, over and over.
Saturday, I dropped and shattered my mother-in-law’s ornament — one from a box marked “Tom.”
Tuesday and Wednesday, I watched a precious, newly made in preschool ornament and a treasured childhood Christmas decoration crash to hard wood and into a bazillion little pieces.
We wrapped gifts, and I wondered how on earth such a seemingly small task can turn a house into a storm of paper scraps and ribbon ends and crumpled tape, and I felt the tiny pieces of clutter might overtake me.
I struggled to emerge from gray sorrow for the hurting and wondered how they are placing one foot in front of the other. I wanted to pull the covers over my head and stay there.
At times this week, everywhere I looked things felt broken.
The veneer of perfection stripped clean off Christmas.
But, this week, I’ve been stunned to see, though by now I’m surprised I’m still surprised, that removing the veneer doesn’t make Christmas any less beautiful.
Instead, it casts as new these handmade cookies and cup of tea with a friend and prayer around the living room and reenacted Christmas stories.
It takes the small moments of everyday tenderness between sisters and the running to deliver treats to neighbors and the celebration of a precious four-year-old’s birthday, and it makes them treasures.
The dome that covered a favorite Christmas scene shattered, but now we see inside to what’s really there, the details of a sweet little life slowed, and once we remove the jagged glass, we’ll be able to touch the train, the packages, the little guy with the balloons, the spiky tree.
This week, when Sici told the story of Mary and Joseph and their journey to Bethlehem and the stable that would be the first earthly home of the newborn king, she deemed it of utmost importance to add some brown paper details.
Cut by cut she placed not only the brown hills that surrounded the family of three, but piles of animal poop between Jesus’ parents, the shepherds and the wise men.
“They were in a barn, ya know.”
How fitting to remember this story without the gauze of heavenly lighting, but as the story of one who entered right into our imperfect everyday experiences, the literal muck of this world.
And when J, our little animal lover, dressed in angelic robes to proclaim the good news, she announced, “Then the little lamb came to the manger and licked the newborn king as much as possible.”
I never considered this part of the scene before, but this week it is feeling entirely possible and comforting somehow.
These next days, friends, may you delight in the imperfect beauty that is right where you are — the life that is in your hands. These dear people, this earth, this cold air, the food at your table. May you treasure the moments that catch you by surprise like shiny ornaments catching light. May you receive the gift of pure love and grace beyond your creating and freely give it away. May you know Christmas.
Connecting through the power of stories written, spoken and lived
Hi dear Ashley
Reading your words reminds me of the fact that our Lord Jesus came to a broken world full of broken people who make mistakes everyday and it brought such a sense oh how much the world needs Him. You truly are a precious one.
Much love
Mia
Merry Christmas, Ashley ~ thank you for taking the time to bless this broken world with your sweet thoughts and loving words. Blesings for a beautiful Christmas!
Ashley, dear girl! I’m quite overcome by this morning’s post. Touched, reminded, taught on so many levels I don’t know what to say. So very much in here of beauty and wisdom and forgiveness. I don’t have words. I have only tears. And love.
Christmas may not be perfect in this realm, but it does remind us that Baby Jesus’ birth can lead everyone to everlasting love, peace and acceptance.
Ash, thanks for writing this. It sounds similar to my week. Stripped down Christmas, but oh so dear and beautiful even through the tears. The chaos of parenting and wedding planning and wanting to only hold onto my kids and abandon wedding details because only holding my kids seems to matter. I love you!
Thank you!! And thank you to J for that sweet, real picture of baby Jesus getting some earthly cleaning from that lamb…so precious! I agree woth Rebs…just wanting to hold my girls…that is all that matters. Wishing you a very blessed Christmas, lots of moments of quiet, fun and awe. Love you dear friend!
Lot’s of broken stuff at our home too Ashley, but in the midst.. . .
Got word this AM by text message with this snapshot. Don’t know all the particulars yet except that Isabella Yvonne Mansell was born to Elizabeth & Don early on December 21st & as you can see below, her Grandparents, Vance & Mattie, happily showing her off to us! More later . . . Just shows that the world is going on and God is still in charge.
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Your timing is broken perfection or maybe its wholly perfect. I can’t tell as I blink back tears on my own broken story, my broken heart on the mend. Disappointment. But the more the shatterings and breakings and human frailty the more the hole to be filled with His redeeming Love. Merry Christmas friend as you and I we all work through our humaness as we embrace His Divinity. Thank you for coming to the keyboard with your honest heart. Joy to the world and to you, Elizabeth
Well Ashley Larkin……..you and your family “got it” for Christmas ! Thanks for blessing me once again with your post. What an understanding your little ones have of what it’s all about ! and how sweet the newer vision of Christmas you have acquired in the process. May you all enjoy the Birthday Party for Jesus next week.
Your words are so raw & real, the reality of most of our imperfect lives; but exactly why we NEED our savior whose birth we celebrate at Christmas!
Love you Ashley & am so sorry about your puky/diificult week! Have a wonderful Christmas with your sweet family!
Dear friend, this is so beautiful. So, so brokenly, imperfectly beautiful: “removing the veneer doesn’t make Christmas any less beautiful.” AMEN. I sure love you and your family, even though I’ve not met you yet, and I pray you’re all feeling well and continue to be filled with joy and hope and love amidst the brokenness of this Christmas.
Hi ashley! I’m sorry your little one doesn’t feel good:( . I understand imperfection and stress this time of year. Brett and I are moving so we don’t even have decorations up and the stuff that normally is in our house is slowly going into storage. Enjoy the season in all the imperfection . Merry Christmas!
This was beautiful as usual Ashley. Things were breaking all over my house this week too….a pickle jar too quickly fell out of the fridge, an ornament, a hat off a wiseman from our nativity, and a few more too precious to mention…..Love you my friend, Merry Christmas and many blessings to you in the new year!