I feel the fresh, the new of the year out here on the snow.
The pure white canvas of possibility unfurled under ponderosa pines and blue sky.
I feel the blessing of opportunity in this lovely home on the ranch, the gift of staying in a place offered in the warmth, under blankets, watching movies, playing board games. Sledding down the same hill over and over again.
I give Lala an empty yogurt container when she tires of traversing snow nearly to her waist and watch her sit content. In the same place under the tree, scoop after scoop.
We travel to the High Desert Museum and see a replica of a saw mill and an otter sleeping in its den and bald eagle and white owl, its face a snug heart.
Our girls, interested, curious, examine buffalo hides and the beadwork of native people who lived here long before us. They watch in wonder as butterflies alight on branches, my head, an arm, suck nectar through nose straws.
Michael and I hold hands, and I relish how much I like this man.
We eat delicious food and take a horse-drawn carriage ride through the blanket of white, for goodness sake, and I can barely contain my gratitude.
And then we return home. Like my J, I fight against the routine because I kind of forget what it feels like, and I don’t want to remember because I’ve loved this.
The days stretch blank far out ahead, and they don’t feel like hopeful opportunity, but something to master. All I see are remnants of Christmas mess and bags to unpack, and then there are doctor appointments and never-ending homework and lost tempers (mine), and I write Michael a text:
“I feel lost today. Will you pray for me?”
So many places to put my energy, my resolutions, my fresh starts, and I want to see it all like white snow’s stretching hope. But instead opportunities fall moment by moment.
In decisions to trust and not grasp control.
In choosing peace and gratitude.
In slowing for a few minutes to eat noodle soup and hear again the quiet.
I catch some that falls. I miss a bunch.
But there’s grace in this flake by flake because here they still come, filling the canvas of this new year.
Five Minute Friday is back on, so I’m joining up again with the community at Lisa-Jo’s place. Maybe you’d like to join? (I’m a little rusty, so this wasn’t quite five. You know I’ve gotta tell it straight.)
Connecting through the power of stories written, spoken and lived
We have such beautiful opportunities with our families – so many to count.
Yes, indeed, we do. In the special vacations and in the “mundane” everyday. Thanks for stopping by.
Such a capture of the first week of January. I miss you.
Thanks, friend. Re-entry shakes me up a bit. Cannot wait to spend time with you in just a few short months. Love you!
I felt much freedom and joy in this post and then we’re back to “reality” – or the day to day grind… but still much joy in all of it. I love that you can ask your hubby to pray for you – so important! This was beautiful. Have a wonderful day! http://thejoyfulservant.com
Thanks for your visit, Kathleen. I so appreciate your words. Yes, being able to ask for prayer is a tremendous gift. And so is the fact that you were able to see the joy woven through both kinds of my new year experiences — because the joy is certainly there, even when I struggle to take hold of it. Blessings to you!
Love this! I, too dread re-entry & I just would like to live in the past for one more day! I think it’s my way of feeling sorry for myself in the present, or enjoying the past more because it never hits me by surprise. I’m not really looking forward to all of the trips to preschool, or even all of our sports & church activities. It seems totally overwhelming! I know it sounds terrible, I love those activities, I think I just have a hard time with very short adjustment (re-entry) periods & I just want to relish the past more & forget the present. But I know living in the present has so many daily blessings & ‘presents’, if I just slow down & enjoy each moment as it comes….even the craziness & totally chaotic ones. I wonder why I am so extreme sometimes. I love peace & quiet but, I secretly enjoy me a little chaos, too, but not never-ending chaos! I do believe it’s our human nature that pulls us to control (it almost seems a protective or survival instinct, as a mom) & I think it’s my whole preferred method of avoiding conflict that makes me want to rest & stay in the the past for longer. As I get older, I’m realizing that the crazy way I think or do things isn’t completely crazy but it’s kind of fun & it’s OK to be different!
Thanks so much for your thoughts, Annie. I’m so glad to know I’m not alone. I hear you on many counts! I don’t think there’s a thing wrong with relishing the past. That’s part of the reason we take photographs and write and talk about what we’ve experienced — to cement it in our memories because we know on a level how quickly this all goes. And what gifts are there. Then there’s the day to day, which is a gift too, as you say, and it is so good to slow and receive the gift. Absolutely. But I think it’s OK too to feel the grind and overwhelm of it sometimes and to ask God for his help in that very spot where we are trying to just grab for control to master all the details and logistics of the now, ya know?
I love the part of you that seeks quiet and the part that enjoys chaos (I get that too!). It’s part of what makes you you, and being able to be in both places with your imperfectly grateful self is a gift. You showing up as all the different parts of you is a gift. I love you, friend.
Beautiful, watchful, present, attentive you! Thank you for this lovely gift this morning, Ashley! Breathing more deeply now the peace of this fresh year. xo
So thankful you’re breathing a bit more deeply now, Mama. Bless you.
Hi dear Ashley
Oh, I love your pictures. We in South Africa are experiencing summer and we have just arrived back home from two weeks vacation with the family at our family holiday home. I would appreciate a bit of snow for our wheather is extremely hot and humid at the moment and quite unfriendly towards my Fibro.
Much love XX
Mia
Praying for you right now, dear Mia. May you experience some relief from your pain and some ease in the re-entry. I’m sure returning from two weeks could be really challenging. May you feel a piece of cool in the midst of your heat and a peace that goes deep.
You have left such remarkable words at my place and I am saddly behind in answering them. Each is a masterpiece of the overflow of your sweet insides. I am more grateful than I have expressed for your encouragement, your attention to each line and nuance in my writing and your always thoughtful remarks. Ashley this piece of yours is so lovely. I don’t transition well. I get hyperfocued in my places and have difficulty often shifting. May your shift be sweet and kind to you. I can see your smiling spirit now as you took this adventure together into the white unknown.
No worries, dear friend. I never want you to feel the pressure of needing to respond. I’ve had recent posts where I haven’t been able to reply to comments at all, and I don’t write nearly so often as you do. So let there be grace, grace. :-) Thank you for your prayers, Elizabeth…I’ve certainly experienced some of the sweet, kind shift this weekend.
Bless you, too, friend, as you journey into the unknown art of the year ahead. I think for those like you who have such a gift for seeing present gifts, transitions can be really difficult. Still, may more of your transitions this year be accompanied with sweet ease. Sending love.
Gorgeous memories. Praying with you for a fresh start and a masterpiece on the canvas of this year.
Thank you so much for your words, Kimberly! How I appreciate them. May both your memories and journeys through this new year be filled with beauty — both the kinds that transcend and those found in the muck of everyday life.
oh how can i relate.
Thanks, pal. Love the ways we share a heart.
Yes, indeed, you do tell, and tell, and tell it all so well. I just caught up on a couple “Draw Nears” and “this”. Again, I am struck by your adherence to “digging” deep, and “excavating” through what appears to be some of life’s “ruins” and finding the Pure Gold. I know you spoke for all of us as we entered our “Holy” Season in the midst of the turmoil and anguish of recent events….It was a “slog” through a trench of deep pain for all of us, to find our “Heart” for Celebrating His Lord’s Light, but we did find our way, didn’t we? And you put words to the internal task of transforming agony into….new life and horizons unseen. My comment is not just regarding this Post, of course. I really felt the relishing of THIS Heavenly time on the heels of chaos and loss. Oh, and to cleave to one’s family and children….oh yes! Well done, again and a Much Love to you and a Very Happy New Year 2013 to you and Michael and your special kidlets!
Kelly, your words to me are such a gift. Thank you for weaving your thoughts together in this way. Bless you, and a most happy new year to you and your family!
You have an unbelievable blog, and I was so blessed by this post!
Ashley from http://theheartofashley.blogspot.com/
Hi Ashley. Thanks so much for your visit and your kind words! I am grateful to have made the connection. Blessings on your new year.
Welcome back, sweet friend. You carried me away, in the description of joy and gratitude of your time away (and I’m so happy it was sweet!)… and then took me with you, in the lostness of your transition back, and this – “The days stretch blank far out ahead, and they don’t feel like hopeful opportunity, but something to master.” I feel this, too, and so value your wisdom and vulnerability in sharing how the opportunities lie in trying to grasp each flake that falls. And some of them drop. But you keep reaching out… and friend, that’s just so beautiful and encouraging. Happy New Year :-) Looking forward to traveling “with” you this year…
Thank you for traveling with me, dear Amber. So grateful to have been able to provide just a little bit of encouragement in the din of all the new year rah-rah’s. Part of me enjoys it, and then there’s the part of me that just feels small when I don’t know how I’m going to change the world by Jan 1. It is indeed a journey, and I could not be more grateful to share it with you.
So…so…so much loveliness here…from the beauty to the angst…I see and FEEL it all!
You know how to nurture interest and curiosity in the girls. Their sense of adventure allows them to expand their world and appreciate its beauty.