Perhaps tears filled my eyes because it was so unexpected and in the moment I felt entirely ordinary.
Standing on the playground after school, a fellow mom, a friend shimmied up next to me and whispered in my ear, “You’re such a good mama.”
I looked around to find each of my girls — to see what I’d done, what they’d done to deserve this compliment.
Helping an injured child to his feet after he’d fallen in the bark dust? Smiling kindly while talking to another mom about the day? Taking a stand for what was right?
But the girls did the kind of things they always did. J swung hard on the monkey bars. Sici talked in the field with her friends. Lala shifted her weight from foot to foot, waiting for a turn at the tire swing.
I looked back to my friend, touched and slightly confused.
“You are doing such a good job,” she said. “I just needed to tell you.”
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I gather with friends I mentor and my mama, my sisters, dear ones with whom I pray, a blessed soul sister-fellow lover of words, and I know anew the value of encouragement. These words that drip love and knowing and say I see you.
I give them, and I receive them. It’s usually not too hard, if I only remember.
I feel the light weight of these word treasures landing in my lap, imagine them with shapes and color all their own and tuck them away.
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When Michael and I married more than 14 years ago, we spoke a portion of our own vows. I don’t remember any of the lines by heart, save this one:
I will choose to believe the best about you.
And speak it, we could have said. For this is the building, stone by stone a dwelling place of love that encourages.
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From the time I was a child, I thrived on words of encouragement. Truly, I needed them. When someone told me I was smart, pretty, helpful, brave, in my mind — for at least a glimmer — I became smart, pretty, helpful, brave.
The gift of these words found their foil in words not spoken. If no one gave a compliment, I assumed the worst. I was no longer smart, pretty, helpful, brave. I’d have to work hard to be that again.
And so this journey of adulthood has often been about choosing to believe what is simply true, receiving what God says is me, his child, whether spoken or thought by another human soul.
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I began blogging partly because I am designed to encourage, and so I pray with everything in me that God might use this place to bring refreshing to dry places, that coming here would help remind you — even in small part — the uniquely colored and beautifully formed gift of you.
What I never anticipated in writing several times a week on these Draw Near pages is this community I would meet and that the words of you new and old friends spoken back to me would be such honey, love, life. I treasure each one.
In the kind of writing I do here, I’m not usually “asked” to take hugely controversial stands, though proclaiming the name and power of Jesus can certainly be that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid to speak what I feel needs said. But, unlike another blogging and writing friend who must pan through loads of mean, pointed rocks due to the hard stand she’s been called to take in her writing space, my comment box is filled with much pure gold.
You don’t need to always agree with me — please, don’t do that. But when you tell me how you’ve been seen or felt or known — oh friends, how that blesses me in my little place in the world, and my eyes fill again with true thanks at your encouraging gift.
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So how to receive these gifts of encouragement without needing them in that gripping, clutching, soul-desperate way? I am still learning, but I believe it’s largely in knowing who I am. Knowing that I am crafted and held, beheld and loved by an all-seeing, all-gracious God who treasures me and desires me.
Perhaps it is, too, in living more concerned with the giving of encouragement than the receiving of it.
St. Francis prayed this:
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love.
And may I seek to find others — on the playground, in the neighborhood, across seas, in my very own home — to give the consolation, understanding, love.
Not waiting for another to be deserving of this building-up because in reality, none is. Not waiting for another to speak it to me first. But to give the very essence of what we ourselves seek.
Receiving the gift where it is, treasuring the unexpected grace of it, then giving it away and so becoming the gift.
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Linking up today with Emily Wierenga‘s Imperfect Prose. Today began with the prompt, encouragement.
Connecting through the power of stories written, spoken and lived
I began blogging in the Fall for the first time and find, as you have, such joy in the encouragement. To witness God’s unique expression in each individual who takes the time to glorify Him is such a gift indeed. I believe it is pure love {complete Oneness} with God, with One another, that we are experiencing, Ashley. I do not believe there is any+thing that can compare to this!
I so agree with you! It is incredible to see the unique ways we share our gifts of expression. Even the distinct way people encourage is an art form. Yes, this connection with God to write, then the connection with others when we release our words, then the interaction between us as we respond to one another…oneness. What a great way to describe the blessing.
Thank YOU, Ashley; here we go again, yet another example of Oneness. Your post, filled with the unique expression that YOU are, brought this clarity to me and the opportunity to share it. We came full circle within this Oneness with God!
Dear Ashley Friend
You know, now you gave me a lump in my throat! Yes, dear one, you are a gorgeous mom! Your words about your daughters always drip with the sweetness of your love, devotion and admiration for them. And, apart from that you are truly a blessing to us as well. Thank you!
Much love to you XX
Mia
Ah, thank you, friend. What loving words. Grateful for the ways you fill me right up.
Ashley,
You speak so much truth in this post. I, too, have been overwhelmed by the way people’s words have ministered to me. So often, an idea I was exploring or a question I was asking have been fleshed out with clarity or answered with grace in the comments section. It is easy to feel as if we are throwing words out like confetti, never knowing or believing that they may be landing in the lap of a specific someone. To hear from those individuals brings richness and depth to this writing life.
I am so thankful to have “met” you through this community and I have been ministered to by your words, many a time. Here’s praying that we can continue to be encouragers to one another.
Holly, you are so right about the comment section. It is humbling and amazing how God works through the words of one to another. Sometimes we know where they land and sometimes yes, they are floating about, and we are left to pray that they will find the place where they’re needed. I am grateful for you, Holly, for this love and encouragement we can offer to one another. Excited to meet you face to face in April…ahhhh!
Ash, this is packed with so much truth. You articulated so well, searching for this place where encouragement is honey, and not bread. There is a difference, and the only way to find it is to know the truth of who we are, as you so beautifully said. And friend, I can tell, at the essence of who you are is this well of encouragement – and I imagine that the more you drink from the sweetness of Jesus’ presence, the more it spills over to refresh others. I have certainly tasted of it from you, and it is indeed honey.
OK, I’m going to borrow that (aka “steal” that) – “where encouragement is honey and not bread.” Oh, friend, that’s another blessing here: when a dear one says something back to you about what they gathered from your words in a way that makes them new. Honey, not bread. Yes, that’s it! And, right, it is in drinking from Jesus’ presence that we have an offering to give that is overflow gift. Love you.
Ashley, I agree with Amber…so much here of value, not one little gem of wisdom to hold up to the light and treasure inside, but a handful of lessons gleaned from living aware. One crucial piece for me is this: “And so this journey of adulthood has often been about choosing to believe what is simply true.” I cant imagine why that should ever be as hard as it so often is, but learning that lesson is incredibly freeing! We all need words of affirmation and encouragement…and sometimes our need of them is desperate. But Mostly, we already know what is true. And we can hold gently or firmly to that with no words required. And by the way, I think it’s a very very lovely thing to say to someone, “I notice you being so _____, and I just want you to know, you’re doing such a great job.” Whoever that friend is, please hug her for me. xx
This, Mama: “Mostly, we already know what is true. And we can hold gently or firmly to that with no words required.” Wow, yeah.
And this. I want to live this out, speak this out more often. “I notice you being so _____, and I just want you to know, you’re doing such a great job.”
So, Mama, let me say, I notice you being so wise about stewarding your gifts. I think you’re doing such a great job balancing all the important pieces of your life. And I love you.
Ashley, so many pieces here I love- need to thread them through my thoughts today. Perhaps what I needed most was this simple reminder of just how powerful it is to tell another mama, “You’re doing a great job.” Why don’t I say that more? I’m starting today- looking for windows to slip in a word of encouragement. Goodness knows motherhood is a long and lonely road without sisters who see and cheer us on! Thanks for being that sister today!
“Why don’t I say that more?” Isn’t that the truth?! I am with you, Alicia, I want to be a cheerleader along the hard and often lonely road. Thank you for your words of love and encouragement to me.
You, my friend, use your gift to beautifully. You are a good steward of that gift of writing and encouragement. This is filled with so much tender beauty, Ashley. WOWZA. I can see you know, so clearly, with your friends, your children, your family, your bible study, with grace and joy radiating from your face and lips. may God strengthen you in all the ways you bless others.
Thank you, friend. What a beautiful blessing your words are for me. I may very well come back to read these little jewels again. Sending much love to you and many thanks for the ways you build up and cheer on and love well.
And so this journey of adulthood has often been about choosing to believe what is simply true, receiving what God says is me, his child, whether spoken or thought by another human soul.
yes. this. exactly. xoxo
Thank you for your echo, friend. That is — and you are — a blessing.
I have always craved encouragement, cause I never received it from my parents, and it has really been a struggle for me, even though I am a Christian, but, I never saw the flaw in me till I have (matured) and have gotten older. I guess age does have it’s benefits after all. When I hit bottom, and gave God the chance to encourage me, it has made all the difference to me, maybe to no one else in my life, but, to me, and I am the one that needed to know it.
God has shown me all of the accomplishments in my life I thought no one else noticed, and made them special to me again, and has taken the depression away, for thinking I had failed at all I did.
I thank God for his Love and Mercy and Grace, that He has shown me, and for the good friends, some I have never met in person, that has also loved me through the hard times, and thought I was worth the effort.