Tags
control, control issues, Emily Wierenga, expectations, grace, Imperfect Prose, joy, One Word, trust, writing
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
Mumford & Sons
Over a glass of wine last night, a friend and I talked of expectations. How, like creeping weeds, they reach ’round to choke out the gift that is. How drinking again and again from their cup as if they’re sustaining promises can drain the life clean out.
I am seeing new how expectations bind joy’s wrists, how they work their way into bad dreams and daytime obsessions as I toil for mastery, carving, carving, carving the picture I’ve envisioned.
When I look over my shoulder at the landscape of this week, I see days not chiseled by my hand, but unfolded from unexpected wrappings.
Moments of freedom on the faces of daughters and friends dancing and playing musical pillows and not wanting to stop. Fifth grade girls relishing the simple pleasures of a hot cocoa bar and cotton ball relay races.
A walk through a nature preserve on the family’s day off — one daughter a grump for much of it and unable to see the beauty around her, another whining for long spells of the walk back to the car, another able to delight in almost every fallen feather, every horsetail on the water’s edge, and I think how much like all three I am.
This week, we prepared our home for a party in one short Saturday morning, and it once would have nearly broken me with stress, but now, among rapid-fire dusting and a sweaty face for greeting guests, I felt something so much more akin to love and joy in the opening.
Like any week, I struggle against the propensity to see what is not, what needs to be or what could or should be. In my parenting, in our marriage, in my friendships, in my writing. All the ways I cannot give what I desire, and these limitations are part of the way of this life.
So I begin each day again with grace. With slow sips of coffee splashed with half and half, under the fuzzy blue blanket, reading life words and releasing myself, my day and those around me.
I’m remembering the hills climbed and thinking of those yet to go.
We do not know how they will look, but we tromp again across expectations, loosening our grip so we can bend down to pick up that flower before we see the surprising view over the hill.
Linking up with Emily Wierenga at Imperfect Prose where writers are sharing their thoughts about joy. I’m recognizing the glorious glimpses of joy for me when I can trust and loosen my grip, if even just a bit.
This is a memorable quote: “I am seeing new how expectations bind joy’s wrists.” That is so true, and it’s something that keeps me from every appreciating anything positive in the fullest way possible.
So true. I’m amazed by all the times I’ve allowed my joy to be choked out by those nasty tendrils of expectations. How often I’ve failed to recognize that the imperfect what-is is the place of the fullest joy. Thank you Luanne for your words here. They bless me.
Trust & Faith are my words for 2013. I love how you have “Trust, one word for 2013″. It seems as I get older & my trials seem even more unsurmountable, that the Lord is still there, just asking me to seek His face!
Trust and faith — what a dynamic duo. Bless you, friend, as you release and seek his face. What good hard work.
Wow…this is something that I know I need to work on. I really struggle with ‘realistic’ expectations of myself, but mostly of others. And because they are so unrealistic I oftenfind myself feeling alone or unwanted or unnoticed. So selfish, I know. In these moment I have to remind myself where my expectations come from and how I am choking the joy of others with them. Great reminder this morning.
Kara, thank you so much for your presence and words here. You have hit the nail on the head for me. It can be so hard to judge realistic from unrealistic expectations and because I do not want to “settle,” I can be a harsh behind the scenes task master to myself and those I love.
Yes, it is so good to look at the root of these expectations. What is it in me that feels anxious/lacking/afraid/etc when I am driving so hard? Most often, for me, there is something deeper underneath. By no means are all expectations bad, but when the joy is being sucked dry, that is a good indicator to me that they are not right ones.
Dearest Ashley
Oh, yes, my friend, the dreams and expectations of this world does have the nasty habit of stealing that sweet joy our Pappa lavishes upon us. Thanks for your beautiful thoughts!
Much love to you XX
Mia
Thank you, Mia!
I’m all goosebumps here, Ashley.
Words can’t possibly convey how resonant your writing is for me. It feels like you take my heart in your soft/strong, gentle, loving hands & somehow give voice to all that’s inside there.
Indescribable beauty.
You are a magician of words, my dear soul friend.
You being here with me brings such joy to my heart.
You speak for me so oft. And today with a megaphone. Love having my heart beating to the rhythm of a kindred soul. We are not alone.
Amen!
Let’s start with the title – Grace in Your Heart and Flowers in Your Hair – is that not the most beautiful of wishes? To me it is. Then let’s jump to the comments – as your mum, my heart bursts with happiness to see and hear how your words and your earned wisdom speak to others, lifting, offering consolation, offering the understanding of a kindred spirit. (Of course we all know this – you were meant to be here and writing.)
Now, let’s go to the paragraphs in between. Ashley, you write with such poetic beauty, wisdom and insight that your writing never fails to touch me. Today’s was no exception (of course!) My only “disappointment” is that, as gracious and generous as you are with everyone else, you are too often too harsh on You – the you I find (as your mum) so nearly perfect. Much love honey, and Grace in your heart and Flowers in your hair!
I love what you said about looking over your shoulder–our thoughts and priorities evolve with time. Love, grams
Sent from my iPad
Thank God for that!
Thought provoking as usual. It’s those simple, often unplanned pleasures that shape us best. These simple yet often elusive truths are expressed by a soul approaching life ever so thoughtfully. Your insights are appreciated, Ashley. And though it certainly may not always be easy for you to do so, I’m so glad you share your thoughts with us.
Yes, the simple unplanned pleasures enrich so much. Therefore so much of the key seems to be in recognizing unplanned not as the enemy but as that which can often be befriended. What delight when we discover that’s actually a possibility. And this blog is another of those unplanned pleasures on my life’s path, so I am beyond grateful that you enjoy reading along, Uncle Don. Truly means so much.
Your life sounds joyous to me, for sure! :)
It is. Sometimes I live like I know that, and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I can get so bogged down that I miss it. Seeking always to live in more joy. Thank you for being here, Brandee.
I know just what you mean by seeing a little slice of yourself in your own daughters.
The good, bad, & ugly, right?
Expectations are very often adult temper tantrums of saying:
“but I wanted it that way”
It’s so hard to find that healthy balance. I’m a big goal setter, dreamer, visionary. Only lame people are satisfied with life simply staying the same…that’s what I tell myself, anyway. But you’re right, its when “my vision” varies from reality that my joy is gone, and really the anger that comes in its place stems from insecurities; since something must of been lacking in me to “fail”. It has been quite the year of God revealing that His plans and timing and slow moving towards purpose, blessings, Christ likeness, are so much better. Hard as it, and as “unfair” as it sometimes feels, even those failed expectations produce slow ever-lasting fruit.
Leah, I hope you continue writing about this very thing as you continue growing into your calling and God’s beautiful plans for you. What wisdom you share here! I SOOOO hear you. I, too, am a visionary dreamer-type and so to “settle” with what is can seem so boring, so frustrating and yes, brings up in me all the reasons how I might have missed it in my danged humanness. I am seeing more and more, though, how God’s greatest intention is that I come closer to him, and so those failed expectations, if they can draw me closer to him are just the thing that bring ever-lasting fruit.
Wow, Ash. Wow. I imagine you starting off each day in this release of control and receiving of grace, savoring small things and breathing deep. And then, the dips that come throughout the day, the ebbs and flows and the outright struggles, and how it seems you try to end your day much the same as it began. In grace, with flowers in your hair, and it makes me smile. I love how you are unwrapping more layers of joy already this year. And I have to agree with your Mama, that as gracious as you are with others, I hope this spreads deeper and fuller to yourself. That’s the pot calling the kettle black, by the way, but I just had to put in my two bits ;-D
Good to make your acquaintance, Pot.
Signed,
Kettle
As always Ashley, savory and soulful, this is… I love how you “dig” for Joy and Wonder in the midst of so much. It is a skill, I have been learning. Hugs to you and yours