I met with friends early Sunday morning– the ones with whom I gather regularly to share coffee, joys, hurts and prayers.
At the end of our time, I told one how burdened I sometimes feel by the act of pouring out to my children, as there’s always more to give and yet, still, I feel I’ve never done enough.
I struggle with this in other areas of my life, too, but this reality in my mothering life — yeah, that pretty much gets me right in my heart’s center.
They’ve got loads of physical needs, sure, and it’s hard enough to stay right here to wash another load of laundry or prepare the next meal, but it’s the emotional pouring that often leaves me most weary.
The desire to make sure they feel heard and valued and loved and safe and know the goodness of God — though it is not fully in my power to make sure they receive these truths — as their mama, the weight presses.
I am not ensured they will know because I’ve told them enough “I love you” or “I believe in you” or “God is with you” (though this certainly matters, and I pray they will know these things in the deepest of ways).
Really, each will have her own way of processing this family system and her inner life and her relationship with the Maker. What speaks to one may miss another. What buries the seeds of these lessons deep within might be ground tilled by pain or sorrow.
And I have so little control of all this.
I don’t know what I expected my dear friend to say as I shared my struggle, but what she spoke next from the couch in my basement surprised me:
“You might be so focused on teaching and pouring out to make sure they feel safe and loved and know home is a good place that you are not receiving it yourself,” she said.
“That this IS a place of safety and love and that all this is for you, too.”
This is for you, too.
Perhaps you’ve walked a painful journey to where you are right now, and it’s hard for you to receive the good of what is. Perhaps your right here stinks foul mess. Perhaps you’ve known peace and are continually able to catch glints of light and see what is good.
Friends, wherever you are, if there is one place today where you purpose to love, to serve, to bless, then I pray you might be able to not only give it, but receive a touch of the right here truth that the good in this is for you, too.
Yes, rest just a moment in that.
This is Day 1 of Right Here. (I didn’t actually think I was going to write today, but I changed my mind.) I’m calling yesterday’s post, Welcome to 31 Days of Right Here, an introduction to the series. To read all posts in 31 Days of Right Here, click here.