Dear Michael,
Do you remember that night when you said something totally unromantic in answer to one of my dreamy-eyed questions?
You might be thinking, which time?
This one, honey: We were engaged, and I asked what you most looked forward to about finally marrying and living in the same house.
And you, the man still trying to convince me that he could stare at a wall and not think about anything (?!), answered that he was most looking forward to just being in the same room together on an ordinary night. Not necessarily talking or doing anything, but sharing space.
You might have said that we’d each be reading a book, or one of us might be watching TV, and yeah, I’m pretty sure my face fell, and I worried a little about the long nights of marital boredom that awaited.
Even then I’m pretty sure I recognized the gift of those words, though, because they meant you loved me and my presence, and I didn’t need to earn your attention. You esteemed the ordinary moments, though I couldn’t foresee then how much those would make up this shared life.
No doubt I first loved you for your humor and quirk, your steady love for God and your wisdom, your lack of pretense and the way you treated people without preference. And now that’s part of the why, but it’s infused by thousands of daily acts I might have looked straight past fifteen plus years ago.
Like the way you started my car this morning before you left for work because yesterday it had needed a jump, and you wanted to be sure it ran so I wouldn’t worry, and we wouldn’t be late for school.
Like the way you make the girls’ sack lunches nearly every day and ask meaningful questions about their days and their friends and make sweet papa-daughter eyes with them across the table.
Like the way you hold me as I pour out and remind me who I am in the quiet spaces of the night.
You’re a full foot taller than I am and yet probably the shortest 6’3″ man I’ve ever known, and I think it’s all about the ways you bend low.
A few weeks ago, Lala and I talked our “would you rather’s” and our “name the most ____ you can imagine,” and I asked, “What is the smallest thing you can think of?” And she said, “Ummmm…..Crumbs!”
And then I asked her to name the biggest thing she could imagine, and she nearly broke right in over the top of my question with her answer: “PAPA!” she said.
Not mountains or trees or sky, semi-trucks or houses, but this man — you, her dad, who makes himself small each day to fill our home with love’s largeness.
Honey, I’m so glad I said “yes” on your birthday 17 years ago when you put the ring on the wrong hand, and I will keep saying yes through tedium and joy, when you tell me I’m beautiful and when I know you still think it, through returning circular arguments and moments of deep connection, through family exercises (even the lunges) in our living room, through desperate prayers and long-delayed date nights.
I know we will keep taking turns holding each other and these little people up, and I will seek to love you in the small big ways because this is what builds our life, brick by brick.
And I do love sharing the same room with you. You were so totally right.
Adoring you —
Ash
Linking up with Amber and Seth and their Marriage Letters. Here, with the prompt, “Once Upon A Time.”
Connecting through the power of stories written, spoken and lived
Oh, how I love this. Your girls are blessed to have a house filled with BIG DADDY love and to have a mommy who lives out love daily, too. You’ve inspired me to write a letter to my man this week— perfect for Valentine’s day! Blessings, dear friend
Yay, Alicia. I do so love letters…I need to write them more often. You write so beautifully of daddy love on your blog, my friend. And what a dear mama you are.
This is beautiful!
Thank you, dear Elizabeth! Am I going to see you at the Faith & Culture Conference at George Fox next month? I would love that!
Girl… I can’t even. (March… that is all! I can’t wait for March!)
Woohoo March!
So beautiful!!! I love this!!
Thank you, Becky! xoxo
Ashley I decided to read this just before I have to leave the house and now I’m a puddle of tears!!! How am I supposed to go to the pool and do my swimming exercise class now? You get me deep down in my heart every time. You write with such incredible, tender love.
Oh, thank you, Barb. I hope you were able to go swim anyway — those salt tears mingling with pool water. I appreciate your tender, loving heart.
Just beautiful!
I say the same thing to myself every time I read your words. Sending love.
Absolutely beautiful! I adore your heart, Ashley.
So happy to “see” you, Becky. Thank you for your words. Always a gift.
Friend, this is beautiful in all the ways that are real and tried over time, all the ways that our definitions of “romance” and love evolve through the years of living it out day after day, you capture your heart for Michael and his place in your family so poignantly. What an amazing guy you have, the kind that bends low and fills your home with such large love. With a servant heart and ears that listen and eyes that see, in his own way. Thank you for giving us a glimpse of the one you love. Both of you have huge hearts that love greatly.
Cultural definitions of romance are such flimsy imitations, aren’t they? Grateful for this man and the journey that’s brought us here. Love you, friend.
I love how he loves your presence. Hmmm. That just touches me deep today.
Thank you for this profoundly personal offering, Ashley.
It touches me too, dear Kelly. One of the most profound gifts in my life, really. Thank you for your meaningful, thoughtful presence.
Love this Ash, what a loving tribute to your hubby!
He is a love!
God gave you both a miracle in each other! What a joy to witness your love for each other!
Continually grateful. Thank you, friend.
This is my favorite post of yours, hands down – a simple love story so simply told. You are both an example of what love is. So grateful you shared such a beautiful tribute to each other.
Aw, thanks, Deb. It was a joy to write, actually. I love that man.
I’ve waited all day to read this- I knew I would cry.
And I did.
Lovely tribute to your husband and a letter of legacy to your girls.
God is quite honored with your words, friend.
You must make Him proud with the way you choose to make much of Him in word and deed!
Humbled and smiling here. Love you.
So much sweetness. Brick by brick. Love that.
Thank you, Brandee. :-) I can’t wait to read your latest letter to your husband. I’m going to let mine percolate for a bit.
Such a beautiful letter of love to your Michael! Thank you guys for being a wonderful example for Troy & I of what it means to just love each other & build life “brick by brick”!
It’s a joy to walk these marriage journeys together. xoxo
Dear Ashley
Oh, I can just hear the love in your words; not those syrupy in love sort, but the real macoy! It is as if the world has forgotten how to be fathers and husbands and to have a marriage where the Papa bends low to allow his children to be the apple of his eye, is such a wonderful gift. I know of so many people who find it so hard to believe in our heavenly Pappa to be this kind of Father.
Blessings XX
Mia
I’ve learned much about God’s love through my husband. Continually humbles me. My girls and I are blessed indeed. Thank you for your beautiful words, Mia.
You broke my heart wide open with this one Ashley and it’s breaking still. As beautiful a tribute to married love as I’ve read. ever. ever. xoxox mama
Wow. Thanks, Ma.
Love. Just love.
Yes, I’m with Vickie, I simply love. Love that Mike Larkin and love you.
And right back atcha! Love and miss you guys.
Bless you. Thank you, sweet Vickie. I miss you, friend.
Ashley, this stirs me down deep. Esteeming shared life in the ordinary moments. YES. May I live awake and aware of how precious is the ordinary of my life… how precious is the ordinary with my man. I love the way you love Michael and the tenderness with which you’ve written it here. Love you my friend.
He is a good man, and it’s amazing how much more fully I love and appreciate him when I look for the beauty of these ordinary everyday shared moments…as opposed to seeking some great grand vision out there, casting eyes around and comparing to what others have. Yes, I am so thankful for this man (and for yours). I do not ever want to take the gift of him for granted.
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