Gradually I’m becoming more willing.
To pick up or set down. To push through or let go. To be peeled back. I know how little I know, so I have to listen closely, be willing to let layers fall.
These kids with their messes and personalities, preferences and problems make some good noise when I listen, continually reminding me how much is out of my control and, too, how many important things lie smack dab within the choices I make.
I say I am willing to do whatever they need, and I will advocate, protect and love until the end, but if I think it’s about willing myself to be the mom who’s everything they need, I can almost predict the crash and burn around the corner.
Fascinating how “will” brings to mind two completely different pictures. The kind which is effort to make it be: like I willed myself to help her with homework even though I wanted to crawl in bed and then the willing that is a releasing — ready, eager and prepared for what comes.
Motherhood is filled with heaping portions of both. The will which chooses to love and give when everything internally yells what about me? and the willingness that prays less of me, ears to hear, eyes to see, a heart that pays attention to the deeper things.
This willing is the kind that lets go, receives gifts that are — all these invitations held out with open hand. And this morning it is daphne’s scent wafting through the living room, lilting lone birdsong and morning light rising over the swing set before they wake.
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Joining this morning with Lisa-Jo Baker and the Five Minute Friday community. Thank you for grace as I struggled big time to keep it within five this morning. Much love, dear friends.
Connecting through the power of stories written, spoken and lived
I was drawn in by that AMAZING photo. I’m struggling, Ashley, with the “what about me.” I feel invisible. I keep telling myself that God sees.
Dear Brandee, I deeply apologize for missing your comment before. This morning, I am praying for you — that you will know the “what about” you…that you are beloved, known, seen, upheld, undergirded, protected, rejoiced over with singing. Yes, friend, this can be such lonely and draining work — this work of raising and loving humans. I am holding you in my heart today and sending much love. May you know the treasure you are.
Beautiful post. You touched upon the same topic I wrote about—letting go—and other things we need to be willing to do as parents too. See you tonight at the conference. God bless.
Thank you, David. It was great to see you at the conference over the weekend. I hope it was a good experience for you. I’ll be making my way over to your place to read your piece soon. I look forward to it, as I love reading your words about fatherhood/parenting.
Beautiful photo along with beautiful words.
Thank you, Amy. I so appreciate your presence.
I love this Ashley!
Thank you, love.
This is profound Ashley. You have me pondering the various meanings of “will” –
(the kind that is stubborn, the kind that is agreeable as in “I will”, the kind that is a vow, and the kind that is the “will of…” as in desire). And then there is WILLING, the nuances of which all seem to agree with one another – I’d never thought of the beauty in that word before. It is so the opposite of stubborn and entrenched. You have me pondering this one in my heart and I think I want to write it on my wall! “Willing!”
I’d never thought of all those meanings either, Ma. Kind of stunning the depths of these “everyday” words when we stop to look at them. What a good one to post where you can see it often. Different moments call for different kinds of willing, don’t they? Love you and how you take these rabbit trails with me.