I hardly recognize how often I do it. Hold my breath, wait for the feeling of fear to pass, worry to skitter through, even a feeling to take hold. Just how much of my day goes by, I wonder, pushing through to the next thing without expelling waiting air from my lungs?
And I don’t realize how desperately I need the full in and out until he wraps me in his arms. Or I lie on the big trampoline and watch the moving sky with her, whispy hair tickling the tender parts of my arm.
We pick berries, sun breaking through low morning clouds, and they push each other on the tire swing, and my friend and I talk of marriage, togetherness and the ins and outs of life. I squeeze blue frilly-bottomed berries into pint containers and notice the variation of color, and I can’t help but breathe. The light pink, the pale plum and blue to deepest indigo.
I fully inhale and exhale at how colors of the sunrise brush against our hands right here, sun and heaven touching round fruit.
I pick the berries and drop them in the box because I can’t keep hold in too-small hands, and it’s like the way I breathe out and remember that all the cupped taking in requires a letting go.
I cannot contain it all. I cannot keep them safe. I cannot keep us locked away from risk and the messy, brutal parts of life.
I cannot even recall all the glorious sky touching down moments, though I will never forget last week when she said the clouds looked just like curdled milk. Nor the morning I told my deepest scariest fears, all locked up inside, let them go in wavering breath, exhaling with never before formed words, tears running down to my lips.
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Joining this morning with the Five Minute Friday community of brave (and sometimes still scared) writers at Lisa-Jo Baker‘s place where we create safety for one another and the spilling of words. We’d love to have you join us. Today’s prompt: EXHALE.
Connecting through the power of stories written, spoken and lived
Inhaling the beauty of this.
Always a joy to see you here. Thank you for encouraging me, Sandra.
I love you so. Honestly… I just can’t even. (Oh – and August!!!)
Sweet you, August is SOON!
Stopping by from the link-up. Beautiful writing.
Thank you, Lauren. Always great to meet another FMF pal. :-)
So relate with holding in, not breathing, and suddenly it hits you: I am not really living. I wrote last week, in a quick flash of inspiration at the tail end of a post, of how the month of June found me going through each day like a wind-up toy, just doing programmed tasks till I dropped. July has opened up to a complete shift as I let go and relax and then do, so I can then enjoy.
Have a great 4th of July weekend Ashley
and
Cheers!
Leah
Oh, Leah. The letting go — such a good place to be. I’m happy for that shift for you and pray that you continue to find places to breathe in deeply these summer days. Blessings to you.
Oh honey. This whole piece reads as a deep exhale. The fears, the anxiety, the pushing through to the next thing without stopping for breath, I recognize this in me, too. Your words and images are so moving, I thank you, for helping me breathe in and out, let go and be held. xoxo
Thank you, friend. Grateful for the ways we can help each other walk in new breath. Thank you for the reminder to be held. I love you.
Sweet Ashley, I love this. Your words resonate in my heart and beat a chorus that moves in rhythm to a kindred song. I can relate to the holding of the breath like holding those we love in our hands. You painted such a picture with your words, beautiful.
Bless you!
Dawn
Thank you, Dawn. Yes, there’s such a connection for me between the holding of my people tight and the holding of my breath, and I know I must let both go to really live, ya know? And it is a constant remembering, a constant decision, a constant prayer. Bless you in your journey, as well. Such a joy to meet you this week.
Grateful to be drawn to draw near this morning. “Exhale”, along w hearing the words to casting crowns cd from dani’s family, will help me focus – breathing in h spirit, exhaling in surrender. I hope to rest, w dani’s family coming for a week :). May you rest as well, dear Ashley.
Enjoy that time with Dani and her crew, Deb. “Breathing in the spirit, exhaling in surrender.” Yes, that is just it. Much love to you and your family. xoxo