{Michael and I dressed up in our 60’s finest last fall}
You’d never really held babies before, but there you were — such a pro — cradling our precious firstborn like a football. I envied you, then, the way your hold calmed her right down, something all my nursing and sloppy swaddles and shoosh-ing couldn’t do.
You didn’t coo much then. And I wondered if you were doing it wrong.
You seemed to know, as you do now, that it’s not always the soft kindness we need. Sometimes it’s the type that is unassumingly assured, the one that holds a baby on the span of arms across space — those arms that will serve for years on end, scoop up broken things with huge hands, make school lunches and miraculous meals from a Mother Hubbard cupboard.
I read this morning of the love of God that takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a changed life, and this is what you’ve done for me. Over and over these past 20+ years, you’ve held me in tender ways, let me cry on your shoulder, and then you’ve taken me by the shoulders, looked deeply in my eyes and said, “This is who you are, love. Now go forth.”
You call our girls into this sort of confidence day after day, show them they are infinitely lovable, value their spunk (while it sometimes drives you batty), see their myriad differences from each other, me and you.
In all manner of ways, you speak back to them the beauty of what you see.
You’ve lived forty years tomorrow and left such goodness in your wake — steadfastness, humble strength, always wanting to celebrate the other before yourself.
You’re still not a cooer, but most of the time, I’m pretty sure you’re not doing it wrong.
Thank you for taking hold when I doubted. Thank you for not letting go. Thank you for all the times I felt frustrated you were not more like me, and you remained resolutely yourself anyway. We need you and love you just as you are.
_______
For my dear husband in honor of his birthday tomorrow. Joining with the Five Minute Friday peeps at Kate’s with today’s prompt HOLD.
A note: Can I just say, it would hurt my heart if your take-away from this is that my husband (or myself) or our marriage is perfect, or if you used this as fuel for the comparison fire. I say this is because I have done it: read or witnessed another marriage, another couple, another spouse, another life and thought there is something seriously lacking in my own. I share my post today because this man is worth celebrating, and I will give thanks for what is good. I hope you understand.
Connecting through the power of stories written, spoken and lived
That’s just lovely! I hope he gets to read these words and know how he is loved.
Thank you. Gratefully, my husband reads every post. Makes me feel super loved.
Such a beautiful testimony to love !!!
Thank you, Amy!
Amazing writing! Loved your HOLD.
Ashley from http://theheartofashley.blogspot.com/
Thank you, Ashley. Bless you today.
I wrote about the first time I held my daughter in my book. It was an overwhelming experience. I never felt that much love before. And after fifteen minutes, my shoulders were killing me! I didn’t know to switch arms. I learned. Blessings to you, Ashley, and tell your husband “Happy Birthday!” from me.
I passed along your kind wishes, David. Looking forward to reading your book! That first hold is indeed overwhelming…I remember that flood so well. Thank you for sharing that here.
So true ashley. Those same arms that cradle the baby will serve to guide the child for all their life. You say that so well! Loved it!
Thank you, Uncle Don. “Those same arms” — yes — and yet they grow stronger, too, don’t they? Much love to you and Betty.
Ashley – I read your disclaimer here and appreciated your sensitivity. But here is what I got from this, your words help me more appreciate that my husband is different from me because I need it and our girls need it. If he was the same as me in all areas I wouldn’t be the better version of myself that he shapes me into. This was a great reminder for me to love who my husband is.
Yes, Alex, exactly! Our girls need their dads to be different than us and WE do too, because they help shape us into the best version of ourselves — as you said, largely in response to those differences. Give your husband a hug from us. We miss you guys.
Ashley, can I just say, what a gorgeous tribute to your husband? What a way to celebrate a man that is worthy of celebration. You tell the good thing so well, and you speak to the hard things, too, and I know that your ability to see the good, in part, comes from both of you walking through the hard and holding on as tight as you knew how to. I love these glimpses of Michael, of his heart and strength and the way he loves you all, and I look forward to meeting him one day, friend. I wish you all a joyful celebration of him this weekend. Love you so much.
Amber, you are so dear. I can’t wait for the day you meet him, too. Yes, there’s so much of the hard we can’t say in these places, but I’m grateful that you know more of the story and the depth of this love that came from God’s sustaining us in pain and struggle. I love you.
Oh, Ashley. this makes me want to meet the birthday boy! Happy fortieth to Michael! Hope it just keeps getting better and better:) LOVE this line- ” Thank you for all the times I felt frustrated you were not more like me, and you remained resolutely yourself anyway.” Oh, I need to post that one somewhere visible- such a reminder for me to celebrate my man just as he is. And my kids, too. And every one else who, thankfully, is not a replica of me:) Always joy to be here, friend.
Thank you, friend. Isn’t it weird how we can try to force our people into our image when that’s really the last thing we’d want anyway? You always bring joy and encouragement with you…I love seeing you here!
It’s so nice to hear about marriages like this when all you hear about are divorces and unhappy marriages. Marriage is definitely work, but it can be so happy and fulfilling. Your husband is a lucky man; and you’re a lucky lady. I hope you have many happy years to come!
Thank you for the warm wishes, M.B. We’ve got to remember to tell the good stuff, don’t we? I have to remind myself of the “whatevers” — whatever is pure, lovely, true, excellent, praiseworthy…dwell on these things. We can always find negatives, but that doesn’t lead to life-giving encouraging relationships…it brings defeat. We are “working it out,” and I’m so thankful to have my man to work it out with. :-) Thank you for being here.
Happy Birthday to your dear husband…I hope he had a special day! Your words are a beautiful tribute & reminder to see the good in how our loved ones are different from us. We need each other!
Thank you, and amen, sister! It’s a choice to look for the good, isn’t it? Grateful for you and for the way you are seeking to appreciate your husband and his differences. I think the last thing we really want in our home is two of US…I think one of me is quite enough! xoxo
Happy Birthday to Mike!!
I love this tribute!
He is one special man!
He is. Thank you, darling.
Loved this tribute :)
Thank you, Deb. Happy to “see” you here. Blessings to you and your dear family in all their places. xoxo