I’m alive! And I’ve missed you so much, friends.
For more than three years, this place has been a sacred one for me, where we listen and respond and share and hear “me too” in the comments and pay attention to the small ordinary moments as a way of seeing through to the bigger ones. I’ve missed joining with you here over the last few weeks, and I just had to check in this morning, though I’ve only got a few minutes.
Since I last wrote, I’ve been in the midst of projects and stepping out on foreign lands. I speak before a group of women tomorrow for whom I’ll be leading a retreat in a few more months. These are the biggest speaking things I’ve ever done.
I’ve been praying and writing and writing and praying and living and remembering God is a god of abundant supply. I am trying to open my heart wide, not hoard my energies or my gifts, and it feels most everything is tinged with newness, including the faces I see in front of me.
I’m learning to say, “God, I can’t wait to see how we’re going to do this together,” rather than “God, how will I ever be able to do this?” (Thank you to the wise one who gave me those words. They are so woven into my fibers over this last month that I don’t even know their origin anymore.)
I’ve been undone and stitched back together during this time, these last weeks, and though I’ve not had opportunity to write it here, I’m journaling my way through and plan to share more soon.
Friends, God is so faithful. Those aches of your heart, those resigned pains, those monstrous fears, those insecurities that leave canyons straight through your center….our Creator wants to heal. He is mighty to save. His presence is peace, his yoke is light. Your Maker is faithful to keep you when you feel you’re going to break and when you receive a new layer of healing and the bandages are peeled away and when you take the next step you know to take.
Hope is real as the hand in front of your face.
My mantras lately, simple as they may be are “I trust you” and “I believe – help me in my unbelief.” And “I am loved” and “thank you, God, that I get to speak hope and be light” and “thank you that I get to abide with people in pain” and “thank you that this is not about me” and “I have no idea what to do next, but you do — God, please show me.”
I guess I’ve got a lot of mantras running through my head and drum beating with my footsteps across new ground. One of the greatest freedoms in this is recognizing that my fearlessness is about a confidence that comes in the presence of God, regardless of how I feel. I actually get to choose to believe I am fearless. I am agreeing with Perfect Love when I do.
My girls are really into acrostic poems. For birthday cards, they write out the person’s name and attributes — one for each letter. Like:
M – Magnificent
A – Awesome sauce
M – Millions of hugs
A – A+ :)
I was looking over my journal this morning and found a simple acrostic that came to me as I grappled with fearlessness several weeks ago. I’m a little humbled, honestly, by sharing it because it feels so obvious or silly or something. But I’m attempting to live with faith like a child, trying to let go of perfectionism and profundity — geesh, get over yourself, Larkin.
So here you have it.
In the midst of some anxiety that was a wall and a continual prickled-arm attack, these simple letters reminded me why the heck I would do stuff that scares me so much? Amazing, isn’t it, how we learn through the opposite? Patience in the face of so much annoyance, joy in the face of pain. Fearlessness smack dab in the middle of our biggest fears — in my case, rejection and failure, if I had to break it down.
So, enough stalling…For you, dear friends, FEARLESS:
Fit with new clothes of strength because God says I am.
Earnestly seeking his face.
Aware of my need and my hope.
Resisting lies with the Word and his words to me.
Loved. Simply that.
Entering rest, not striving – eagle’s wings carry me.
Surrendering to God’s wisdom, not my own.
Stepping on paths of peace – saying yes to God and opportunities to trust and see what he will do.
I am praying for each of you this morning — that you have a startling sense of your belovedness, that you know the value of doing hard things with God’s hand in yours, that you live just a bit more fearlessly as you experience the blessed audacity of hope.
Connecting through the power of stories written, spoken and lived
Beautiful words, Ashley! Praying God’s courage and boldness would abound in your life as you seek to live life fearlessly! <3
Thanks so much for your prayers, Darlene! I can only do it with his strength, that’s for sure. Bless you!
Gah! I have missed you, friend! I am so excited for all that He is doing in and through you! He is just so good and big and able… love you so! xoxo
Amen, my friend! I love that every time I imagine you, I see you cheering on all your sisters, calling them into the beauty and truth of who they are. You are such a gift. Can’t wait to see you. I love you!
Thank you for sharing what’s on your heart! I love your mantras and will use them today. Love always.
You are so dear to me, Sara, and such a gift as we walk this journey together. Thank you for bringing sunshine (and fun reading voices :) ) with you. I am grateful for you!
Needed this today, Ashley:). You helped me succeed with my word for the year, which will only happen if I let go of fears. Fears paralyze, don’t they?? Much love and prayers as you touch the hearts of women with your words.
Remind me, Deb…what’s your word for the year again?
Oh my goodness, fear….uck, I can’t stand it. Praying today that you know perfect love that makes fear run for cover. Thank you for your prayers and words. Much love to you!
Oh, goodness, Ashley!!! I love this. The audacity of hope- wow! And “Surrendering to God’s wisdom, not my own” has been a recurring theme for me lately. Praying for you friend and so grateful for your beautiful heart and spirit. And can I tell you something- you might be rejected by people and you might fail by this world’s standards, but in God’s eyes you are an absolutely brilliant success. Don’t forget that. The way he has already used your willing spirit is proof of this. Cannot WAIT to see what He continues to do through you. And praying for all of these speaking engagements. Much love!
Becky, your prayers are a gift to me, and your words “you might be rejected…” — yes, that’s exactly what I had to come to. Even if my greatest fears prove true, God loves me and sees me as “successful” because I’ve trusted him and stepped out in faith, upon the solid rock of him.
You are such an example of a loving, willing, tender heart. I am grateful for your shining light! Much love to you!
Pure holiness here, dear Ashley. No words, just awe at the beauty of you.
I miss you and am grateful for you. You have such a way of building people up, Julia. I love you.
Beautifully shared! So proud of you as you take this next step along God’s path for you, my “fearless” friend! Will be praying for you throughout the day tomorrow.
I felt your prayers, that’s for sure. Thanks for cheering me on. I love you.
I am praying and believing for a very evident river of God’s love to flow in you and through you to the ladies you are speaking to. Your poem says it all, and so beautifully. God’s got you and He’s got all that you are facing in His capable hands.
Thank you for walking with me and reminding me of truth and hope and love, Elizabeth. Yes, that river of love is exactly what I long to be true each time I speak. xoxo